Day 36: Ellen and World Domination

I really don’t have a lot to say today. I’m sick of talking about men, I am generally sick of men. I am also sick of eharmony taking up my Facebook news feed since I’ve become single. I don’t remember liking their page, yet they keep sending me news feeds about how easy is it to find love. I am not looking for love, I tried love and it was the shits. For the record, even if I was looking, it isn’t easy.

So instead of talking about men, I am going to chat about how you should all subscribe to my page and some one with more ambition than I have today should make a Facebook page, so that every one can enjoy my horrible spelling, bad stories and hilarious life. Once my Facebook domination has taken over I will get on Ellen.  I love Ellen and I will dance with her one day, preferable to either “sexy back” or “fat bottom girls.” Those are my requests

Now for a list of reasons I should get to be on Ellen  World domination – the world needs to know me. I am like a  reformed Charlie Sheen,  with a touch of Rebel Wilson, a more sarcastic Chelsea Handler and a more awkward Jennifer Lawrence package with a Klhoe Kardashian ass

• ·         My dance moves – seriously, between my tap dancing skills and my high kicks I can bust a move with the best of them. I’ll even make sure to wear underwear so I don’t flash my cooter
• ·         I am down for any thing – it’s probably not one of my best qualities but people are like “hey we should do …” and every one is all like “hell no that is scary and dangerous” and I am like “I’m down, lets get this shin dig on.” Unless it’s anal sex, I am never down for that shin dig
• ·          I am all about giving back just like Ellen – in the form of giving people the gift of me then using that power to help those less fortunate. Unfortunately I am currently in the category of “those less fortunate”
• ·         I need a new car – I can only see out of half my windshield because Kermit cracked the other half and I don’t have a tail light because I am poor. Also my car likes to change RMP’s without me knowing it’s hard to explain but let me tell you…it isn’t good
• ·         I love Ellen – I think this women is awesome. I could go on about why but since grade 12 when I made my school schedule so that I could watch Ellen every day at 11 I have loved Ellen. She dances, she’s funny, she has a huge heart for people and animals, and she is proud of who she is and didn’t change for any one. I really love me some Ellen. 

Well There you have it folks, my lack of effort today means some one needs to get me a Facebook page so I  can start on my quest to world domination. 

Love your ex girlfriend, you'll be mad when the whole world knows you as Kermit when I become famous