Organic Toilet Paper. My ass. Seriously.

I don’t do the organic thing, partly because I don’t believe that it actually is organic, but mostly because I am poor and the organic stuff is way more expensive and I’d rather save that money for more important things, like my 70 dollar non-skinny jeans. But my mother is a coupon queen and had a coupon for this organic toilet paper. Usually if I have to buy toilet paper I buy it based on what cute little fluffy animal I think my bum would like better that week. Usually it’s the kittens or bear. But I was especially poor this week thanks to the Alberta Government and their ridiculous penalties for speeding. So I took a trip over to my mom’s house where she stock piles stuff from couponing, not in a crazy way, in a completely awesome free stuff way (thanks mom!). So she went down to her stock pile and got me some T.P. It was organic. Let me tell you. NEVER again will I buy any thing organic. I am allergic to this toilet paper. You can’t even begin to understand the kind of pain I am in. It’s ridiculous to think a person can be allergic to toilet paper, but let me tell you, I am, thanks to my awesome genes.  Also, if toilet paper was organic would it not be leaves? So really you are just charging more for toilet paper and calling it organic. Leaves are the real organic toilet paper, not this stuff causing this really uncomfortable feeling in my lady area. All I have to say is my poor boyfriend. I had to pee really bad and so I did, not even ten minutes later I am running around the house with my pants off cursing this toilet paper. I don’t think he believed me because I tend to be a little dramatic some times so I had to be sure. So after a shower, which helped (in case you are wondering the cure to toilet paper allergies) I decided to conduct an experiment. I made the boyfriend go to the store and buy the cute kitten toilet paper (don’t worry he used a coupon) and I used that, and surprise surprise, no pain in the lady area. Than the next time I used that devil organic toilet paper and it was back again! THE PAIN! So back in the shower I went. So now I can say with complete confidence I am allergic to the organic toilet paper. I don’t know how because organic is suppose to be “all natural” but it’s not, convincing me further that organic any thing is a scam, so even though I am cheap, I now have a valid reason to be cheap.