So what happens when you have a date with your father to go
see a hockey game and you run into people from high school and decide to go to
the dirty with every one after? Success. That is what happens.
Jeff and I went to a hockey game Friday night, it’s nice to
know your date for Friday night is your father, it makes you feel special.
Anyways, I ran into Mike and a bunch of people from high school and an old
family friend, we took our night to the dirty, obviously my suggestion and the
amount of class that is produced at this pub is outrageous, really, you will
never find a classier establishment. Jeff, being the classy man he is ran into
another friend upon arrival (he has classy friends) and I was sitting at a
table alone, drinking my drink, watching this man hug this girl and he won’t
stop looking at me, like this man isn’t even blinking, and I know he was
looking at me because the only other person in our area was a 300 pound man who
looked like he hadn’t showered in ages. I think to myself...oh great, here we
go. I was right. He walked over to me and asked me to join him and his blonde “friend”
for a drink, I turned around to look at her and she waved and winked. Now the
last time someone attempted to pick me up for a 3 sum I was 19 and was so drunk
I couldn’t have even told you my name, I was neither of those things, so I
politely declined and stated I was just here with my father. He walked away.
That lasted all of 5 minutes, he came back...this man obviously didn’t get my
subtle rejection, so I said, listen, I am here with my father, that man right
there, who is big, bald and a little scary, I’m good, have a good night. He
leaves...my dad comes back and his friend shows up. We are sitting there
discussing the hockey game when the girl comes over. GIRLFRIEND ARE YOU KIDDING
ME?! I introduce her to MY FATHER and his friend. Still not picking up the hint
that I do not want to talk to her, or him, and I especially don’t want to talk
to either of them (and by talk I mean fuck). She starts telling me how she just
got off work and he is drunk and if I could help her “tag team” (her words not
mine) him for the night and she would buy my drinks. As tempting as a gansta in
a sideways baseball cap is, I declined. Most fathers would have stepped in,
right? Mine thought it was hilarious. Like absolutely fucking hilarious. Great.
After a few drinks I decide to text Melvin, good idea right?
Well actually, it was! TAKE THAT! A bad choice that turned out good! Take that!
He called he was on his way home from work and said he would meet me for a
drink...until I said I was with my dad and a bunch of my friends...I’m not sure
if it was the fact that he would have had to sit there in between me and Dana
or sit there between m, Dana and my dad, but he didn’t come for a drink...but
he did throw the idea out that if I wanted to come over once I was done that
would be okay. I was drinking with my father, one can’t exactly be like “oh hey
dad, I was just booty called...gotta go love you!” So what did I do...I put on
my thinking cap! Dana was going to get donairs so I caught a ride with her to
go get some meaty goodness smothered in sweet sauce (don’t be gross, I’m still
talking about donairs). I strolled into his house at 2 in the morning two
donairs in hand; if that isn’t the best booty call in the world I don’t know
what is. Except I was drunk and we all know I make the best choice after a
couple of drinks, so I figure it’s a good idea to get answers to all my
questions, questions like, why oh why would you kiss me when you knew how
complicated it was...his answer...you are too beautiful, I had to. Good answer,
a little bit of a cop out...but I like being showered in compliments so I’ll
take it. Then I explained that I was scared that he wanted to keep us a secret
and I confused to what this actually was...my brain just couldn’t tell me mouth
to shut up, I kept talking and talking, which is probably exactly what he
wanted at 3 in the morning. But he answered them, for the most part, he has a
knack for dodging serious questions and topics...but I feel better about whatever
the hell the last month has been.
We finally ended up in his bedroom when my phone starts
ringing. Now last Sunday when I was having a drink with Mike, we discussed
answering your phone in the middle of hooking up. He said he had done it before
and I was absolutely shocked! WHO DOES THAT!? I mean, I make questionable life
choices but that one, that’s an interesting choice and I’m surprised he didn’t
get slapped across the face. But that’s probably why we are best friends. We do
awesome things when we drink. We always make responsibly, educated choices and seep
awesome. But he told me that if he ever
called me in the middle of.... that I was to answer his phone call. So what
does that mother fucker do to me...he calls me. I hear his ring tone; I panic
in my head...dear Jesus do I answer? Can I really do that? No, ignore it...but
he will be some kind of mad if I don’t. I know he will call me back and he will
scream “Handerson, answer my fucking phone call you whore bag!” So I make a
panic decision, which are never my best decisions, but it’s really a tossup
because I am pretty sure Mike had left with this amazing girls (really, she is
my new drinking partner! She is hilarious) a couple hours before so now I am
worried something happened to him! I say just hold on and answer the phone,
that’s right folks. I answered my phone. I did it. HA! Mike goes where are
you...I say I’m at Melvin’s what do you want...he just wanted to chat, at 3 in
the morning. Splendid, let’s chat Mike, it couldn’t wait till the morning?
Melvin is slowly getting more annoyed, I get off the phone do some serious
damage control and resume. He’s not happy but I wouldn’t be either, I mean it
probably doesn’t look very good that I am getting a phone call at 3 in the
morning from another guy, what can I say? I make good choices.
I left in the morning feeling a little better about this
situation. I still don’t exactly get what I think is going to happen or what
this is but this whole not panic go with the flow thing is still kind of
working. So that’s my successful weekend. I seriously hope yours was less
eventful.
