The Unknown

No one really seems to give you any warning into how hard your early twenties are, that’s how this whole blog started, because I was lost (see title “lost and perplex” I am both of those), I am lost, probably more so than I was when I started this blog, the only difference is I’ve learned to cope with it the impending doom you feel in your twenties because nothing is going as planned.

At least 6 months ago, I was sure I was with the man I wanted to marry and I was very excited and certain that I wanted to start planning weddings...for the whole world. I could give you a million facts about weddings, tell you the trends and everything right and wrong about peoples weddings. As of today, I am glad, so glad that things didn’t work out with Kermit. As for the wedding planning, there is something about having your heart broken that makes you rethink the idea of planning a wedding when you think love is a sham. From wedding planning I went to event planning but that would mean me leaving Shitville, and well, I like it here, I like having my family and friends close, I like the city and I’d like to stay here. So I am back at square one. That’s the thing about your early twenties, nothing even goes according to the plan you had at 18 or 20 or even yesterday. We can plan life out but you can’t plan the external factors, like getting into school even when you’ve given it everything you had in you, you can’t change that your relationship failed, you can’t change the fact that sometimes things just don’t work out the way you wanted too, no matter how good your plan was or how badly you wanted it to work. You can't take back choices you made, but you can learn from them and not make them twice, hopefully 

 

Or you can be like me and you just don’t have a plan and the plan you did have went to complete shit.

 

I never had an idea of what I wanted to do with my life other than make money and lots of it, that’s my goal, to have a lot of money. Money makes me happy. There are unrealistic ideas, things I’d be good at that just wouldn’t work out, like becoming famous the same way Snooki did then get a book deal and a clothing line. I could do that, my life is entertaining. Or have a talk show, like Chelsea Handler, not only does she have a midget but she drinks a lot and just makes fun of people and talks to them, both of those things I am good at, and I really like midgets and people generally like talking to me. My talk show would have more interruptive dance though, so it would be like if Chelsea and Ellen had a child, I would be that child. People have always had an easy time talking to me about their problems, it’s probably what I am best at, solving other people’s problems, ironic because I suck at solving my own. But they don’t just give people talk shows, I can just be like HEY EVERYONE! I’m on The View now! And sit my ass down to Whoppi Goldberg. But if I ever did I would ask her to sing a song from Sister Act with me.

 

How people decide what they want to do with THEIR WHOLE LIFE baffles me. Did they wake up one morning and go yep...I  would like to be a nurse and clean up blood and poop all day, or did they go nope poops not for me, let’s take accounting, I was good at math. The thing that stops me from settling is the idea that I have to do this for most of my adult life, if I am going to do something I want to be excited to go to work and not count down the days till I can take a holiday or dread going to work in the morning but whatever I choose I need to make a lot of money doing it. So basically I am still looking but you can’t just google cool jobs or fun jobs and find a match, I’ve tried. I’ve also taken many career tests, those don’t seem to point me in any direction either, they often tell me business or finance or accounting, I tried all of those, not for me. There are things that I look at and would think hey I could do that! Like a sex therapist, except I don’t really know what they do, but I can openly talk about sex and relationships and I enjoy it, I enjoy solving peoples relationships problems, but the whole going back to school for the next ten years scares the pants off of me. The speed that life passes you by is astonishing, it seems like you wait forever to turn 16 then 18 and then 21...after 21 life gets put on fast forward and you have no time to figure stuff out and all the time you thought you had is suddenly up and the daily reminders that you don’t have anything figured out from your friends on Facebook is just a knife to the spleen. They are getting married, having kids, buying houses, traveling the world, and I’m just sitting here like, check me and my bad ass office job out, is it the weekend yet so I can have a drink?

 

But then I remember we are in are twenties, those people who have it all figured out now probably don’t and if they do they seem to hit 40 and realize holy shit there was a whole list of things I never did, I got married too young, I had kids to young, I’ve worked at this job for my whole life and I hate it...life is crap that way. You don’t get all the answers, there isn’t a play book to let you know you are making the right or wrong choice, you can just make the best choice you can with the information you are given and occasionally we make the choice that isn’t the best for us or things don’t work out the way we wanted them too. But life goes on and we get over the bumps, the disappointment and the unknown becomes known and the disappointment turns into a learning experience. I’ve stopped worrying about my future, I’ve stopped talking a million career tests in hopes that they have the answer because at some point it will work out. At least it better. In the mean time if you want to tell me cool job ideas I’d be open to that or if you think you can get me a talk show that would also be cool.

 

My point is, your 20’s are hard, give yourself a break, give me a break. It’s a constant competition to see who will appear more successful, more together, more grown up, but there are those of us who are willing to stand up and say I don’t have it together, my dreams didn’t work out, I don’t have a plan for the future and that’s okay because you can’t plan your future. You just can’t. You can try and maybe it will work for a while, but that’s the fun part of life, it’s the adventure of the unknown.