I give up on dating, men, and sex. I am going to become a nun, if they’ll take me...they probably won’t. They’ll take one look at my Facebook page and know that I am on the fast track to hell. Heaven help me if they take a look at the list of men I’ve slept with that sits on Dana’s fridge...they would drown me in holy water and that probably still wouldn’t save me from my sins.
Abby called me last night while I was wallowing in self pity. We talked about how useless we both are when it comes to dating, how pathetic it is to let one guy dictate so many of your feelings and how it is even more pathetic when you are sure they don’t care. I am talking about Skippers brother...who’ve I’ve named Melvin. I pretty sure he just not that into me...but regardless...well I’ll let you read what went on in my head
Conversation between my head and my heart:
Heart: LETS TEXT MELVIN, I want to hang out with him! He’s probably sitting at home missing how awesome you are...
Head: You are an idiot heart, you are breaking the rules of your FWB (friends with benefits) relationship with Melvin, further more he isn’t at home waiting for you to text him, don’t be stupid. Put down your phone. He doesn’t like us.
Heart:...really...what is one simple text message going to do? It will be fine
Head: WHAT IS IT GOING TO DO!? THROW AWAY OUR DIGNITY! We’ve been over this if he wants to talk to us he would talk to us
Heart: Not true...maybe he just got so excited thinking about us he had a heart attack...you better text him to make sure he’s okay.
Head: Seriously heart...could you be any more stupid
Heart: That is completely logical, we are awesome. It’s a known fact that people have been known to have heart attacks from too much awesomeness exposure.
Head: Well we are awesome...
Heart: Yes...so just text him something
Head: YA! DO IT WE ARE AWESOME!
*sends text about need to find a midget friend to do funny things with?!?!?!*
Head: We are not awesome...we are idiots. We should have stopped when we still had dignity left.
Heart: ...maybe just sometimes we are awesome?
Head: No...no we aren’t...we are going to die alone with nothing but our tap shoes and once we reach a certain age we won’t be able to tap dance around the house anymore! ALL THE JOY HAS BEEN SUCKED OUT OF OUR LIFE!
Heart: ...ya okay. You’re right. But I think we are awesome brain...you know what would cheer us up?
Head: A bullet to the heart so I don’t get talked into stupid shit?
Heart: NO! We are going to turn on Tommy Tutone listen to that Jenny song and dance...that always makes you feel better
Head: I just don’t know if - *867-5309* YOU ARE RIGHT HEART THIS DOES MAKE ME FEEL BETTER
And I wonder why he doesn’t like me... I’d like to say that I made that up...but that is really how my night went...what can I say something about Tommy just really gets me going.
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