We’ve all been through a break up, end to a fling, or just an end to imaginary relationship, don’t lie, those imaginary relationships hurt just as much as real ones when they come to an end! No matter what the circumstance, the length of the relationship, or boy who broke your heart, the one thing that remains consistent throughout the breakups is the cliché words of encouragement from your friends. They will try to cheer you up in hopes that you’ll put down the wine bottle, yes bottle, and the tub of chocolate ice cream, and put a smile on your face, usually this is done to no prevail, bless their hearts for trying!
When we are two Nicholas Sparks movies into a breakup these are the lines that your friends will tell you and this is really what you want to say to them.
You deserve better – clearly, I know this, look at me, I haven’t washed my hair in three days! WHO WOULDN”T WANT THIS! But if I deserve better why is this douche bag leaving me? NO HOPE FOR THE FUTURE! ALONE FOREVER! WHERE IS MY WINE BOTTLE!
It’s okay he doesn’t understand what he lost- ya that must be it, he lost someone who is drowning their sorrows in a tub of ice cream, a bottle of wine and crying…I MISS HIM!
Don’t worry there are so many guys out there – have you personally counted all the eligible men? Because I have, there is a not that many out there, there is five and I’ve already dated three of them and I think the other two shit their pants on a regular basis. Like literally.
It’s okay just be strong – don’t tell me to be strong while you sit over there in your happy relationship, I don’t want to be strong or mature I want him to contract herpes or come running back to me, preferably before he contracts herpes
Just give it time – Ya, time is what I need. Time to finish another bottle of wine, how about you make yourself useful and go get me another bottle.
If you need anything or just need to talk let me know – anything you say? If you could kindly go shit on his wind shield I’d appreciate that…no you won’t? That’s what I thought. Don’t put the offer out there then
You are young, the right one will come along – well..I aint getting any younger ass munch, have you seen my Facebook news feed, bitches be getting knocked up and engaged like Noah built another ark and you have to pair up and repopulate the world. Oh god…that means I am the dinosaur…I am going to become extinct because I can’t find a partner! FOREVER ALONE! WINE? WINE? WHERE ARE YOU!
He was an asshole anyway – excuse me…but he is my asshole. Kind of. He left me, but in my mind he’s still mine…remember that one time he said I was pretty, I always loved it when he called me pretty!
Its okay his penis was small anyways – ya…that does make me feel a little better. Maybe just keep saying that
Maybe you shouldn’t have another glass of wine – don’t judge me, I am trying to get drunk over here and forget my broken heart
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