New beginnings come from painful endings

Well after a slight mental break down and germs infesting me and giving me the worst flu I’ve had in years I am back! The boyfriend and I are officially on a “break” which is my way of saying you better get your shit together and realize how awesome I am or there’s the door fuck face (I am sorry there had to be cursing to get my point across).

I really wish I had more then $1.15 in my bank account so I could go to Toronto for a week and forget about him and how much it hurts to not be with him. Wow, there is a whole lot of pathetic in that last sentence but it really is the truth. Being here reminds me to much of him and I need to just go on a vacation and think and not talk to him for a while, sadly when you are poor you don’t get to do that. (Help me I'm poor)

This is my attempt to not be pathetic, to move on with my life and not look back, to work on me and my happiness and not put it in the hands of some one I thought I could trust. I am done with toxic people, all of them, not that he was toxic because in all honestly he is one of the best people I've ever met but at some point we became toxic for each other. I will always love him and if he could change back into the person he was 6 months ago nothing would make me happier because he was perfect. He still is perfect and I know he will make some girl so lucky one day. I just don't think that girl will be me, maybe though, I still kind of wish it was me, but for right now it's not so I am making a list of qualities that my next boyfriend will have.

1. Must have a stable career – I pick men who need fixing up. Always without fail I pick these men who are lost and don’t have a career path in mind, drink and play video games and I straighten them out, get them to figure out their future and right when they are all fixed up my relationship goes to hell.
2. Must be fun loving – no more shy guys for me I am trying some thing new
3. Must be spontaneous – I want some one who says “babe today we are going here” and then we go. No more of this “what do you want to do this weekend…we can do what ever you want to do” bullshit. It’s annoying
4.  Must have guy friends- I don’t care how many, just friends that he goes out and drinks with every now and then. Friends he can talk to and have fun with. Friend separate from mine because I think it's important to have separate friends
5.  Must be good in bed – I really don’t feel like I need to explain that one but I am talking like God's gift to women sex God 
6. He has to love me above all else - I am not talking right off the bat but I mean I was really patient with the boyfriend for a long time while he figured out what he wanted and I am not doing that again. Love is not patient, love is bold, it doesn't wait for any one, if you love some thing you fight for it and you never let it go 

And if all else fails I am going to be Samantha from Sex and the City because in the words of Abby “every one loves Samantha she rocks and if any one is Samantha you are.”