It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken: Day 1

Well lady and possible gentleman who read my blog you are in for treat. I just read It’s Called A Break Up Because It’s Broken. Yes. I’ve resorted to self help books, because I am 23, living at home, clueless about my future because I built my future around a guy who made it clear he just wasn’t that into me and some times you need self help books and that’s okay because this one was pretty funny. Not that I am an expert on self help books because this was my first one.

So you guys are going to go with me on this journey to a speedy heart break recovery. This self help book told me I had to stop talking to him for at least sixty days. Sixty days. If you guys haven’t figured out that I don’t let things go, at all, I hold onto grudges and broken relationships, you obviously don’t read my blog and shame on you. But I don’t, I have a really hard time coming to the realization that things change, people change and it’s not always your fault and that it’s better to let go and move on with your life and look back and say

 “it was nice while it lasted but now it’s done and I wish them the best.” 

I say things like 

“fucking bastard. I hope he gets hit by a car and has a stomach problem that causes him to shit his pants uncontrollably.”  

Healthy right?

This book also suggested I write a journal every day for how I am feeling so that’s what I am going to do. Except you guys are going to read it with me. This is also going to hold me accountable for the next 60 days so I don’t talk to him. My first suggestion is if you are going through a break up or having relationship problems you need to first read He’s Just Not That Into You, then read It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken. Not the movie because it was horrible but read the books because those rocked.

I realize you may not completely follow every thing I say because you weren't there for the whole relationship but you will probably get the idea after the 60 days are up and until then just grab a glass of wine and read.

Day 1 :

I wish I understood why you chose to pick your friendship with her over our relationship. I will never understand what you saw in her compared to me, I know that’s harsh because she is my friend but I feel like it’s true. I don’t think I am amazing but I know I am pretty special and I let you take that away for a long time.  I let you make me feel like I wasn’t good enough and never again will I let myself feel that way. I have flaws I will be the first to admit I do but I am also great in a lot of ways and maybe if you would have focused on me you could have saw that like you did in the beginning of our relationship.

 I will never understand why you said I was to young because I wanted to wait to have kids until YOU HAD YEAR ROUND EMPLOYMENT, till we bought a house, till we were married? That seems grown up to me? That I was making a choice to give my future children the best possible life they could have. Maybe it is you who has some growing up to do, not me. Maybe more people should take a hint from me because it seems to me there is a lot of mothers and fathers who don’t do this and it only causes problems. SO FUCK YOU! I AM NOT TO YOUNG! Sorry I don’t want my kids growing up in a broken home, where their mother and father can’t provide them with the best they possibly can!

I will never understand why you chose to lie to me over and over again. Why you chose to talk behind my back and cut me down. I will NEVER understand why she didn’t stick up for me. Never. Absolutely never. I will forgive her because that is what I do but I will never understand why she thought it was better to “offer advice” to you instead of doing what a friend should do and say nothing or say “you know what you should talk with Justine” and leave it at that. That’s what I did when her ex came to me! I will never understand how I trusted you both so much and you both completely disregarded my feelings. Thanks for that.

There is a lot I will never understand and that is really hard for me because I need to understand why. I want to phone you all the time and just ask why. Why did you let me cry? Why did you let me get so low it didn’t seem like I was ever going to be ok? Why did you lie? Why don't you remember how amazing we once were? Why don't you remember saying forever?  Why couldn’t you just grab some fucking balls and say you weren't happy? Why did you make me do all the dirty work? Why do you send me text messages saying you are sorry and you love me when your action clearly stated other wise? I deserve better, more, some thing other then what you were giving me. So I will move on, I will be o.k.

Starting today you are my past. I am my future and guess what? My future doesn’t involve you in any way.  

p.s Merry fucking Christmas

Love your very bitter EX girlfriend