Day Eight: One week down

I made it; one week or seven days or 168 hours or 10080 minutes or 604800 seconds, not that I kept track. This first week has been an emotional roller coaster of ups and downs and relief and regret but I feel like the first week is the hardest and so it’s all down hill from here, at least it better be. I mean the first week is the biggest adjustment, I felt like I needed to tell him little details about my day and I wanted to know how he was doing and lots of times I wanted to yell and scream at him and punch him in the face. But I didn’t, I fought every urge I had and kept myself busy. So this is where we take a shot because we are celebrating the fact I didn’t go over and beat his face in. YAY! But I did it and I am proud of myself.

I didn’t ask him for help when it came to fixing my car, I did it myself. I didn’t have him start my car in the morning because it was cold outside, I did it myself. I found out some devastating news and I didn’t call him to support me, I dealt with it myself. I did all of these things on my own, without the help of him. It’s a bitter sweet feeling knowing you have no one to lean on but yourself but more then any thing it’s an empowering feeling.

Keeping myself busy this last week has been the key to not texting him. Along with lists of reasons to not talk to him, things he’s done to hurt me and lists of quotes from the book, being busy has been my saving grace. 

Thank sweet baby Jesus for Jenna because she has been doing an amazing job with keeping me busy. Thank you break up buddy. Between Friday night hang outs and spa days and late night phone calls she has been my saving grace. Also taking time for myself, going to the gym, organizing my new room, soccer and helping out around my parent’s house, I haven’t had to spend a lot of time alone, which definitely makes it easier. Also I know the not drinking thing is helping. It stops you from drunken dialing him, crying at the bar because you thought you saw him, it saves you from sending mean text messages that look like this

“Yu r A ashOle!!!!!! YOU brke my heart! HOW could u!!!!!!!”

Then phoning him and screaming in a very drunken slur

“WHhyyyyyyyyyy DDOOOOONNNNNTTT YOOOOUUUUUUUUU LUUURRRRVVVEEEEE MMMMMMEEEEE!!!!!!”

Then going home with a man named Nathan who is 32, single and drives a Pontiac and thinks your beautiful and amazing and funny and has he has the same eyes as your ex boyfriend or at least you thought he did the night before.

I have not done any of that. So as much as I miss wine, I think right now it’s for the best. (So take another shot for me, unless you are going through a break up. If you are put it down because know one is attractive after 6 drinks and a drunken phone call to your ex)

Every one keeps telling me how proud they are and how strong I am for just cutting him off, for not taking a baseball bat to his car or letting the air out of his tires, for not staying when I wasn’t being treated fairly, for taking a look at my relationship and seeing that I deserve more, but I don’t feel strong because coming to terms with being independent is hard when you’ve been dependant on some one for so long. It is hard, I’ve had some serious high and low moments and they come and go quickly. One minute I am feeling strong and happy and the next I hear some thing about golf or a song he likes and I am a crying mess. Just not in public. I will not be a crying mess in public because some one may see and tell him.

I don’t feel like my friends should be proud that I stuck up for myself because I feel that is what every one should do. Man or women, if there is a relationship were you aren’t being treated fairly, don’t you feel like it’s better to walk away, peacefully and say this just isn’t working any more? You don’t always understand why people hurt you but when they do you need to look at it and ask yourself if the relationship is repairable and if you are both willing to fix it. In my case, we both weren’t willing to fix it, I tried to fix it, I tried to take steps to repair it but he didn’t put the effort in when he needed to and at that point I needed to scrape my dignity off the floor and walk away. So one week down and only seven more weeks to go.

Love your ex girlfriend one week and counting