I have nothing new to report on the break up situation. I
mean he is still all texty and I am still replying but he has yet to decide if
he is willing to make the changes I need to work on our relationship. So again,
don’t take relationship advice from me because I was good at it for about a
week. At work there one of our suppliers is very friendly (read flirty) with me
and I kind of like it because he is kind of cute for an older guy (he is like
35 not like 80 so he is not my knight in a shinning wheel chair). His advice
was to have a roll around in the hay with some one else, I think he was
suggesting himself and if he wasn’t a province away and I was drinking I
could potentially take him up on that offer. But that got me thinking about
sleeping with people and the whole number thing, how many is to many, why is it
different for girls and guys, what’s the
difference between having random sex once a week and having sex with the same
guy 6 times a week, those kinds of things. I will confess I went through a
slutty faze around 18 and had a number of sexual encounters, I have since
matured, walked away STD free and don’t have random hot sex any more, plus I was
in a relationship so that wasn’t allowed. So last night I sat down with Jenna
and Dana and made a list of every one I’ve slept with and you know what I was
pleasantly surprised! I wasn’t as slutty as I thought! So that is a bonus! You should
all feel very proud.
While making my list I then had to remember all the weird
sexual encounters I’ve had and while I thought I had some weirdo’s, nothing, I mean
nothing tops Katy’s story. She came with me to my Christmas party last week and
she told me she had a story. She was set up by her married friends with this “great
guy who would be perfect for her!” So she went out on a date and it was nice,
he was hot, all around seemed like a normal guy you could totally date. She
went out on a couple more dates with this guy when things lead to the bedroom. This
my dear, dear readers, is when things took a turn for the worse. HE ASKED HER
TO RUB HIS DICK WITH HER FOOT! What’s even better is once you are in that
situation what do you do?! Do you get up and say you are freaky and I am not
into that, do you pleasantly say no and then continue to have sex with the
weirdo or do you just do it and pray that it will be over quickly. Well she
went with option three! She said she cringed and just did it. She said that
looking back there were signs. On the first date he noticed her totally cute
shoes (red flag he is either gay or has a foot thing), then he noticed her
pedicure the second date, then offered to rub her feet on the third movie date!
Those are the signs ladies, run if any of those three things are mentioned in
the first three dates. But it gets better still! I know, you don’t think it
can, but it totally does. He texted her the next day asking for another date,
her reply…
“I’m a dancer, my feet usually have blisters and calluses, I
don’t think this will work between us. Have a great day though!”
I am serious! Who replies like that! She said she didn’t know
what else to do because they have mutual friends, at this time I replied you
could have just said nothing? Pretend that you lost your phone and you didn’t
get another one again. That’s what I would have done, I also wouldn’t have
given the foot job. Although one time some guy paid me twenty bucks to suck on
my toes at the bar…I obviously let him and bought shots wit the $20. Foot fetishes are only expectable when there
is money involved.
But the moral of this story my friends is why you test drive
the car before you buy it because had she waited she could have totally ended
up smitten with this guy and walking down the ailse because she was saving
herself till marriage and then got a pleasant surprise on the wedding night.
Love your ex-girlfriend who is thanking God you didn't have a foot fetish?
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