Day six: letter to him

Letter To him,

The more I found out what an asshole you were in the last couple months the more I am glad I walked away, the more I wish I would have done it sooner, that someone would have told me to walk away. I want to text you a million things but I won’t because every moment I let you have that much control over me is another moment I am thinking about you and I don’t want to think about you I want to move on. I replay the things I would say to you if I could bring myself to text you or go over to your house, things like,  

I find it funny how everything you said to cut me down are qualities that you possess. Have you thought that maybe you were cutting me down because I was better than you and you needed to make me feel small so that you wouldn’t have to realize what kind of person you’ve become?

Do you regret the things you’ve done to me; do you regret the things you’ve said about me? I hope you do.

How could you be so deceitful? How could you tell someone you love them and you want to make it work and build a relationship on lies? Your mother raised you to be a man better than that. She would be disgusted if she knew the truth. When I said you were worse than your dad I meant it, I didn’t say it out of anger; I said it because it’s the truth and that’s the type of person you’ve become.

Most of all I want to tell you that I still love you. Even after all of the things you put me through I still care for you and love you. That being away from you is so hard and even when I feel happy it hurts because it wasn’t you to make me feel that way. It was you who broke me not loved me. I want to tell you that I wish you would have fought for me, came after me and showed up on my front lawn with a boom box playing bad 80’s love songs but you didn’t and you won’t and now it’s too late. I want to tell you that part of me hates you and the person you’ve become.

I want to tell you that I spend so much time hoping that you will change back into the person I fell in love with, the person I still love but I need to realize you aren’t that person anymore and I miss that person so much but you just aren’t him and I can’t love the person you’ve become. I miss the way that person made me smile and laugh and comfort me. I need to let go. I need to work on myself and accomplish my dreams and my goals and I can’t do that with the person you’ve become so I won’t talk to you, I won’t text you, I won’t call you, I won’t show up at your door step

Love your ex-girl who desperately wishes you wouldn’t have changed