I had my Christmas party last night and there were two guys
playing at the pub we went to and at the end of their set they packed up their
instruments and brought them out to their car where I was standing in front of
smoking and the first guy looks at me and said “your dress is absolutely
beautiful and your smile is contagious.” He wasn’t doing it to hit on me and be
creepy, he didn’t look me up and down like I was a piece of meat that he wanted
to sleep with, he said it because he meant it and it was genuine and for the
first time in a long time I felt beautiful and special and the worst part of it
was that it didn’t come from a man who was supposed to love and care for me, it
came from a complete stranger.
The more time I spend away from him the more I realize how
much better off I am without him. I realize he didn’t give me what I needed to
be happy. Today was the first day in so long I felt happy from start to finish,
how sad is that? I didn’t have to worry about him, what he was going to do next
to hurt me. It was a feeling of relief. To smile not because you are faking it
but to smile because you are happy is a great feeling. One I’ve missed. I lost
myself in him trying to make sure he was ok, that I was doing in my power to
make sure he was happy, that his goals were being accomplished, that his dreams
could be grasped and mine would just have to wait. I look back and think what
kind of person lets someone give up their own happiness for yours? What kind of
man doesn’t make the love of his life feel beautiful all the time? What kind of
man lets you put yourself second? What kind of man lies and hides and cuts you
down? The kind of man who gets left behind while she goes and takes on the
world.
Love your ex-girlfriend, who is actually happy today
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