I have a dilemma, and
Amy Poehler cancelled on me last week so now you guys get the grunt of it and now I don’t know what to do. I hate
making decisions, I am scared to make the wrong choice. Apparently you aren't suppose to look at your choices and have it as passing and failing but I disagree, you either make the right choice or the wrong choice. You can fix the wrong choice but it's still the wrong choice.
You only get one life,
that’s it, and it goes by fast. At 23 I thought I would have more figured out,
as we know I don’t. I am lost trying to figure out what I need for the rest of
my life. What I am suppose to do as a career, where I am suppose to end up, and
if I am making the right choice.
I wish I was like those kids who knew they wanted to be a
fireman, cop or nurse. You know? No, you probably don't because you don't have to see a therapist to help you with your anxiety. People who know what they wanted for a career went to school, got jobs, work, get married, have kids, raise kids, retire, die.
That's their life and they have it figured out, they have a game plan. So far
my game plan looks like this, drink wine on Friday night. That’s it, because
past that I don’t have a plan.
I applied for school in Toronto. I am absolutely terrified that
I’ll get it because then the choice is easy, I move. Am I ready to pack up and
move my life out to Toronto, where yes, Abby and Jade, are living, and sure
Matthew Mchottie is out there and has said I can come stay with him, he will
take care of me and that he thinks we could really work together, but I would
be leaving my whole life behind for a new one. As much as my life is a big giant
question mark right now, I have people here, friends that have turned into
family, family that mean the world to me. Could I leave Jenna, Coupon Queen,
Jeffrey, Mike and all my other friends? I honestly don’t know if I could. I
know I will make knew friends but I don’t want knew friends. I love my family
and friends. They are the only solid part of my life. Every thing else is up in
the air.
And I have decided I really am not into planning weddings, corporate
events, yes, weddings, no. As much as I love weddings, I am not willing to give
up every weekend of my summer, I’m just not. I enjoy working 9 to 5, Monday
through Friday, with my weekends off to do what ever I want. I like that part. You don’t get that when you are planning
weddings, your weekends are filled with weddings, setting up and taking down.
But Shitville just isn’t big enough to have a job planning corporate events,
the biggest events here are our local hockey teams 80’s nights or the local
bands playing down town. It would involve moving regardless, unless I choose some
thing else to do with my life. Maybe I could just be happy working in an office,
getting married, having kids. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe I wont hate
it. But I really feel like I want more than that.
I am also scared to make the wrong choice, I feel like at 23
I am only three years away from my scary age. 26 is my scary age, it’s the age
where I feel like I should have all the shit I don’t have figure out now, done.
So that’s only three years, so I have to get going. I have to pick a plan and
go with it because being stuck here not knowing isn’t an answer and it’s
getting me no where. If I just pick a
plan, go with it, and I fail, I still have time to fix it. The answer would be
easy if I could take Jenna, Mike, Coupon Queen and Jeffrey with me to Toronto,
I’d be there, I’d know what I wanted to do and I would be happy. Sadly they are
staying in Alberta, doing their thing. How selfish of them.
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