Day 43...but she says I am the most normal client she sees

I have a problem, well I don’t think it’s a problem but men do. See, the thing is, after my relationship with Kermit ended, I vowed to always be myself, my dorky, loud, awkward, tap dancing, anxiety filled, slightly depressed self. I vowed that I would be this way from the start, so there wasn’t any surprises along the way, you know like three months into a relationship and they find out that I like to tap dance while I clean like I am God damn Shirley Temple and suddenly they are weirded out and stop calling me and I’ve invested three months of dating time with this guy who doesn’t appreciate tap dancing. Well, part of being myself is being 100 percent honest, always, unless we count internet guy, and in that case I am still on my ice fishing trip and it’s going splendid, thank you for asking.

So when a guy texts me, what are you doing this afternoon, I some times reply, seeing my therapist. It’s usually followed by 

“oh know! Did you hurt your knee?” 

Then things get really awkward because I have to say, 

 "no, like a mental therapist, but she says I am the most normal client she sees, so that’s a bonus." 

Ya, see that sentence right there, guys don’t like it. Guys have a fear of crazy women and a women who sees a therapist must be the queen of crazy. She must have issues coming out of her asshole and they don’t want any thing to do with that.

But the thing is, if you have a problem with my seeing Amy Poehler, I’d rather know right away, so I can disregard my anxiety coping mechanism and kick you in the balls.

But men if you are reading this, I am going to give you a hint. Every single female has issues coming out of her asshole. We all need a therapist, I was just smart enough to get forced into seeing one. We have daddy issues, trust issues,  middle child issues, mother-in-law issues, work issues, my ex is an asshole issues, and there isn’t enough money in my bank account to buy another bottle of wine issues. We all have them, you do too, we just don’t hide ours, and have more of them. The difference between me and the girls who choose to keep their issues locked inside and blow up on you because you said you didn’t want pork for dinner is that  I deal with my issues. I am medicated, I am not going to  fly off the handle, why? Because I take drugs for that and if I want to snap I don’t because I’m learning to deal with my issues and if I do it was probably justified and you deserved it. So really, you should be happy that at least I know that women are crazy, that I am crazy, and I am dealing with it instead of keeping it in and throwing a hamburger at you or plotting your death while you sleep.

See I really think every one needs a therapist. Amy Poehler happens to be awesome. It’s like I get to take an afternoon off work once a week and go have lunch with my friend, except we don’t eat and it’s in her office, and I have to pass the person who I am fairly certain doesn’t shower every time I go in.