Well my dear readers, I had an eventful night last night. I
went to the Hobbit with Kermit, as friends, we each paid our own way in to
validate the friendship lines would not be crossed. Once we got out of the
movie I checked my Facebook, because that’s what normal people do. I notice
that SSM has made some melodramatic Facebook status about life choices and how
hard they are, blah blah blah, I have a big vagina. Then the ever eventful Facebook relationship
status change came after that. SSM went from being “in a relationship” to “single.”
Uhh when we shagged (yes that is what I am calling it) last Friday night you
mean to tell me that your relationship was still intact so much that you hadn’t
bother to change your Facebook status? You had time to buy condoms specifically
so we could have sex but you didn’t have time to change your Facebook
relationship status? You mean to tell me
when you kissed me on New Years and asked me to come home with you your
relationship was still Facebook official? I don’t maybe it’s the girl in me but
when I end a relationship I purge myself of every thing to do with him. Pictures,
poems, movie tickets from our first date, presents and oh ya….I change my damn
Facebook relationship status to single and ready to mingle.
Oh life, you are a
tricky, tricky bitch because what happens
next blows my mind, and not in a sexual way, which is the only way I want
my mind blow at this point in time. The first comment is from his ex (or still
current girlfriend who really knows with woman), and it reads “Great.
Let the world no.” Well my first point is this dumb chick doesn’t know the
proper use of “know” and my second point is that your boyfriend put his dick
inside me, multiple times, less then a week ago; I think at that point it’s
probably best to call your relationship quits and make it official. Then it gets better, because it’s my life, and
well, it wouldn’t be my life if God didn’t have to twist the knife in a little
deeper to make sure I am good and emotionally dead, he comments, “there is know
use in pretending any more </3”. Uhhh, just out of curiosity did I dream
that we had sexual intercourse a week ago? Furthermore, what kind of grown man
makes a broken heart? Can you figure out
your emotional baggage before you put your p in my v? Could you figure your
shit out before you ask for my number and text me all the time?
I’d like to say that my story stops there but we all know
that I am an emotional cutter, so I text him. Dear God, why isn’t there a lock
on your phone that says “do not text him, you have zero dignity left, ZERO, put
the phone down” then it would have to not let me text him because I can justify
all my crazy emotional cutting, it’s like a special gift I have. But
phones don’t have that option so text him, some thing along the lines of “you
okay? Rough night I take it?” he replies back some text message about being okay and it was a rough night, and I reply in a way to make it seem like I am not
jumping for joy and he hoping he will want to have intercourse again, and
he replies some thing about how he was stupid to keep going back to her and he
was going to bed.
Great. Good chat. Let’s do it again some time. This man
clearly is not into me, this man clearly does not get the hint that his
relationship with his ex-girlfriend was over probably the second time
they broke up (this is time number five I think). This man is clearly dumb and
thank God I was not more invested. I mean, I am fucked up, but at least I know.
So that was my Wednesday night. I clearly have the worst taste in men alive and
I am seriously debating getting a cat at this point. They would be more
emotionally available then the men I pick.
Your ex-girlfriend, who is high-fiving you, because at least I knew I was your ex!
Your ex-girlfriend, who is high-fiving you, because at least I knew I was your ex!
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