I’ve been so wrapped up in my life that I forgot to noticed
that I have been single for over a month, so in honor I am going to recap the
last month of my break up from Kermit. If you read my blog every day than you
will pretty much know every thing and you can just chime in tomorrow. So here
is my month recap
We break up, I am a sad panda. I read It’s Called A Break Up
Because It’s Broken, and so begins my sixty day journey. You should always
listen to this book, even if you think that the book is stupid and you can make
up your own rules to breaking up. You can’t, it always ends up this way, some
people can just sever ties a week after the break up, some people 2 months,
some people a year, but it has to happen in order for you to move on. They are
part of your past, let yourself have happy and healthier future sooner and cut
ties.
Anyways, you aren’t suppose to talk to him (or her) for
sixty days, I lasted a week and caved, obviously at this point I was still delusional
that he was an okay human being, when in fact he is not. I have so many questions as to where and why
things went wrong, why he wasn’t willing to make an effort (we now know it’s because
he is a lazy piece of shit) but those questions remain unanswered and always
will and I am okay with that at this point, mostly because I can look back and
think about Jenna putting cereal in his bed and I laugh. Kermit and I have
break up sex some where in there. He was actually not half bad but I may have
been delusional and side tracked thinking this meant he actually loved me and
wanted to sweep me off my feet and make it all up to me, turns out he was just
horny and still a douche bag. Kermit’s grandma passes away and it’s sad and the
beginning of the longest morning period for a grandparent ever starts, you would have thought she was Mother Teresa,
thus begins my annoyance and the slow separation of my love for marriage and my
love for him. (I know that makes me sound bitchy, but you can go back and read
the post about it and you will agree with me). Christmas happens in there too,
my dad smoked a joint on Christmas, coupon queen got mad, my sister organized
games for Christmas morning, I shopped a lot, and Abby and Jade come for a visit
and I realize the lack of suitable men to date.
Then, I meet a guy on New Years, now known as SSM. His face
is meh and he may have had a girlfriend but you will be to busy looking at his
stomach to even notice his face and I don’t know what his girlfriend did but she
was dumb not to keep that penis on lock down. You find a penis like that and you
don’t let it go. You will also be
distracted by his huge penis, seriously, I have a picture, I wont post it (even
though I want to), but you know how to get a hold of me if you need some
cheering up. On that note, no one should ever send me a picture of their
genitals because when ever any one is having a bad day, I just send them the
picture of SSM penis. You’d be surprised how much it actually cheers people up.
I am always giving. Any ways, I may have
projected my feelings for Kermit onto SSM, may have scared him away, but not
before we had sexual relations. Mind. Blown. Huge wake up call that I just
spent the last two and half years having poor to mediocre sex with Kermit when
I could have been having good to mind blowing sex.
At this point Kermit and I have moved on, had a talk, no
longer trying to work things out and just going to be friends. I am a happy
camper. Until I decide that I can have a couple drinks with some friends on a
Friday night. I hadn’t had a drink through out our whole break up. Which I
highly recommend because you make poor choices when you are drunk, at least I
do. So I drunk dial Kermit and ask him why he hurt me so much. He hangs up the
phone, I continue my quest to find answers the next day, and thus leads to the
fight that ended our “friendship” and lead us to know where we are not on
talking terms.
That is it. All wrapped up in four paragraphs. It seems so
simple, break up, cry, go back, cry, rebound sex, fight to end friendship,
break up finalized. All in thirty sum days, I have made huge changes, I have a
sense of relief that I know longer have to make some one else happy before I am
happy. I can chase my own dreams, I can do things for me, I can focus on me, I don’t
need to cover up my feelings with drugs and alcohol, and I can just be happy,
move on in a healthy way. I can look back and say it was for the best, I can
look back and say, at this point I wish the best for Kermit, but I hope the
best is a bad case of crabs and ending up in living in a trailer with a wife
named Gertrude, who is 300 pounds and used to have a penis. But I am happy. I
made myself happy, I didn’t need him, and while I can’t say I have moved on
completely and am ready to date, if there is any suitable men out there, I am
ready to let go of him and have hot sex. So that’s it, I am half way there and feel
amazing about it, I can let go of every thing, start the next process and focus
on me… This is my last time I am going to end my post like this because he isn’t
who I am writing to any more, I am writing for me, I am living for me and it
feels good. So on that note
Love your ex girlfriend.
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