Day 35: Even Peoples Pets Are Having Babies

I was sitting at work, reflecting on my relationship with Kermit, wondering why I held on so long, why I let myself put up with a relationship that was clearly broken, why I thought I could remain friends with him, why I thought I could throw out all the break up rules and create my own. That’s when it clicked, I thought to myself, maybe I was so in love with the idea of marriage and happily ever after that I stayed even when I didn’t want to. I mean I tried to leave a few times before I left and came back when the bed got cold and lonely. Hell even when I packed my bags I held onto the dream that he would come and rescue me; run in on a white horse, tell me he loves me, I am beautiful and he wants to be with me forever. I held onto dreams of never having to go on a bad date, never RSVP single, plan a wedding, I wasn't holding onto him, I was holding onto what he represented, even if we were wrong for each other on so many levels.

Then I thought how disgusting is that and when did I turn into that person. Gross. Yuck. Never again. This is why you don’t get married before 25... or 30... why do people even get married? I know one person who has a great relationship and that’s my sister and her husband. That’s it. Out of all my friends, family, acquaintances, people I know but don’t “know,” I know two people who I can say to myself, wow they have an awesome relationship, even behind closed doors, I am really jealous.  I know people who make it work, who are good together for right now but will they stay together forever? Probably not, most people I know that are in relationships wont make it another year. Yet all these little relationship status changes pop on my news feed every day, “in a relationship” to “engaged”. People who are so wrong for each other it is outrageous.  These people are getting married because they have a child together, because they want to do what’s right, because they don’t know how to be by themselves, because they have an idea in their head of what perfect is and it includes being married. This people I want to punch in the face the same way I wish some one would have punched me in the face and woke me up from my marriage coma.

That’s when I got a text from Kristen.

“not only is an overwhelmingly large number of people having children or getting married in my news feed to remind me how single I am, but even peoples pets are having babies. This is getting ridiculous.”

And it is. Most of my friends are under 25. Maybe it’s the culture of living in Shitville Alberta but girls are having babies, giving up and settling for men that should remain single forever for the amount of douche they are. I get the appeal of getting a wedding and having kids but once you get there, it's not as much fun. Or it least it doesn't look fun to me. Screaming children, cheating husbands or wives, couples counselling ..it all sounds go great. So while Kristen is worried about her single status, I am not. I am giving myself a huge high five and a shouting a big "HELL YA!"
I may have done a lot of things wrong in my relationships but I snapped out of it and came to the realization that holding onto a relationship, covering it with wedding plans, babies and building a future doesn't make your relationship less awful. I am know longer jealous of those people who cover up their relationship with happy faces.It’s like when you tan, your cellulite may look better brown but the dimples are still there, the only way to get rid of it is get your ass off the couch and into the gym or in dating, you get yourself out of a bad relationship and back into the dating pool, so that some one who is actually worth your time, gets your time. Or spend time on yourself, basically any thing but waste time on a relationship that's not going any where. So that leads me to this…

I have a date Tuesday. Aren't we all proud of me. With a guy. Who’s name isn't Kermit or SSM. Although I really wish it was SSM because then maybe, I could touch his penis again or his stomach. I would lick chocolate off that stomach.  But back to my date.

It came from a dating website and I am not proud of that part. Oh god. Here we go again, countless bad first dates, awkward meetings and even more awkward casual run ins. He doesn't pick up on my witty banter as well as I’d like but he has a full time job and a house which is a step up from Kermit (any thing is a step up from him at this point). But here’s the part I like, he takes an interest in me, I say I plays soccer, he asks to come watch me play. Some thing Kermit never ever did once. I would ask him to come watch, he would say sure I’ll come, but he never asked me once if he could come watch me play. Also this guy listens to what I say, he asks me what kind of music I like, I tell him, (you know like how normal people have conversations), and he suggested going to a concert this Tuesday because a band I like is playing.  Also some thing Kermit would have never done. The only time he took me anywhere was when we first started dating and he took me to this little town 4 hours away, didn’t book a hotel (although I told him to) and we had to back track an hour and a half away to the nearest hotel. He also told me that weekend that he thought my friends were hot, not me, my friends. Why do I continually ignore red flags. Oh ya, that dream of happily ever after, but you aren't actually happy. We did a few trips other than that but mostly they were trips to see his mother, or sister and any dates I ever wanted to go on I had to suggest, plan, and book. If it involved spending money he could never afford it in the winter and in the summer he never had time, so our date nights where often bad restaurants or a movie, if I was really lucky both. Romantic weekend away? Never. Romantic night away? Nope. Flowers from the grocery store? Occasionally.

This new guy also seems a lot more out going. After saying that yes, I would go to this concert, but I was bringing pepper spray and my friends will have his license plate number and I have 911 on speed dial, he said to make sure I add ear plugs to my list of things to bring, because the only protection I will need are ear plugs for his bad singing and maybe blinders so I don’t have to see his dance moves. So he is fun? Some thing Kermit was not either. I was out going, I would sing and dance and he would sit in a chair, with his arms folded, looking like he was having the worst time of his life. Some thing I just got used to and ignored because after asking a million times if he had fun and getting yep, it just wasn’t worth asking or worrying about.

So all in all, I am looking forward to this date, but I also have to make it clear to new guy that I am in no way shape or form looking for a new relationship or a serious relationship. Mostly because although I think I am ready to move on from Kermit, I haven’t. I think that this is a step in the right direction, maybe not. I could be wrong. I am usually wrong when it comes to relationships. But I will keep making you read my ideas and pretending like I have a clue. But the more important question is what is the right outfit for a first date where you are going to a concert? Mmmmm. 

Love your ex girlfriend who doesn't need to get married to be happy