Day 32/33 : You faked our relationship, I faked orgasms.

I did some thing bad. And some thing slightly hilarious. I went out Friday night in honor of my friend Kristen coming to town. I had a few drinks and spent my night declining blow job requests from one of our mutual friends, which then brought up the fact that he thought Kermit was a douche bag and I deserved better, some one like him. In a slightly buzzed state, I completely agreed, and wanted to know why Kermit didn’t appreciate me. Feelings I thought I had come to terms with, but leave it to alcohol to give you the self realization that maybe you haven’t.

So I called him, at four in the morning, he talked for five minutes then hung up on me. Great. So after not hearing from him the whole next day I threw all dignity out the window and text him, he gave some bull shit answer of not really knowing why he treated me like shit. Well, some one should make me a lawyer because I was not giving up, I wanted my answer. Finally Sunday evening he told me…he just didn’t want to be in a relationship with me any more, and decided to sabotage it and it turned out worse than he ever imagined.

Uh, you are right. It is better to make a person feel like shit for five months then to man up. You are so smart. That is so much better. I don't see how that could EVER go wrong. So not only is Kermit horrible in bed but he is also fucking stupid. You are telling me you thought it would hurt me less to let the last 5 months of our relationship drag it out instead of grabbing some balls and saying “it’s not working, I think we both need to move on.” That’s what a real man would have done and it would have hurt, but at least I wouldn't have wasted my time on a self centered, self involved, man who has sex like an amphibian. I am not even hurt at this point, I am in complete shock, I am amazed that I wasted my time with this douche being unhappy, knowing some thing was wrong and wanting so badly to make it work because I loved him. Sticking by his side no matter what any one else said or how pathetic my parents and friends thought he was, I gave up myself to make him happy and it still wasn’t enough. Which is fine, but you could have let me know so I didn’t keep holding onto some thing you didn’t want. That’s low and probably the most self centered thing I have ever heard of.

He says it’s because he thought I would cheat on him again…(back story, I went to Mexico with a girlfriend, slept with a hot, professional lacrosse player, regretted it, cried, all that jazz, Kermit and I had been together for a month when this happened)…my response to that is, this man which we will call, Matthew Mcconaughey, because that’s who he looks like, was in my town about 4 months ago for lacrosse nationals, he asked me to come watch him play, which we all knows means have sex, I declined. Why? Because I loved this stupid self involved man. Now if Kermit would have let me go when he wasn't into our relationship any more I could have gone and seen this sexy, hot, professional lacrosse player and had hot break up sex. Instead, I probably spent that night watching some stupid show Kermit wanted to watch, sitting on the couch and maybe (if it was a good night) we had sex where I pretended to orgasm so it wouldn't last that long.  

I don’t deal with rejection well, so every mean thing I was keeping in, in hopes to save our friendship came out. Things like

“Good luck finding a job, you will need it.”

 He is the only man I know that takes a six months vacation every year and collects EI. His next girlfriend is going to be so lucky. What a catch. Again, I am kicking myself for putting up with so much bullshit, because I can guarantee the next girl wont. How many girls do you know are okay with their boyfriend spending six months of the year broke, sitting on the couch, playing video games and watching movies. Not very fucking many. But I did.

When he told me he just wasn't into our relationship that's when the gloves came off. I was mad. And when you are mad, that's when the truth comes out. So i responded with

“That’s ok, you faked our relationship, I faked orgasms”

When he said “don’t text or call me. Ever.” My response was “look you can be honest with what you want!”

Needless to say, we are not on speaking terms, which is fine with me, because at least at this point in time, I know Kermit was every bit the self centered, self involved, lazy, pathetic, coward, I thought he was. Good fucking bye. 

On the bright side, I now feel zero shred of guilt for sleeping with SSM. 

Love your ex girlfriend, who didn't have to fake her last orgasm