He's just an asshole and she's just a whore

I don’t claim to be a saint when it comes to dating, I’ve made my fair list of mistakes and will continue to make mistakes. I have broken hearts and had mine broken. I claimed that I would never date again and lusted after a guy after one night together; relationships have the ability to make us invincible and break us down all in one breath.

We’ve heard our girlfriends say to us, fuck men they are all assholes, when we are sitting there drowning our pain in ice cream, wine and bad chick flicks because after three dates with a guy he suddenly isn’t interested. We’ve heard guys say, what ever women are all just crazy whores, as they drown their pain over beers then shots then in the bed of another women.

It’s true, both sexes at some point in time have made a generalized claim about the other and sworn them off with the testimonial that they are all crazy, assholes, dirt bags, bitches, whores… the list could go on but you get my point. I have seen both, women treating men like doormats and men treating women like gum on their shoes; hell I even treated a guy like he was a doormat. I’ve watched as my friends have cried tears of frustration and heart break and that applies to men and women. Generally it is more so women, maybe because women are more open with their feelings, maybe we just have more feelings to hurt or we invest more of ourselves earlier on? Maybe women are just programmed to love unconditionally, like we’ve never been hurt, maybe we have the gift to forget the bad and only remember the good.

As  a single female I have  had more of a chance to see how men act in and out of a relationship, how they continually cross lines and hurt feelings and at times I’ll admit I even enabled it. I’ve known that a guy has been dating some one else and let him kiss me, tell me I am beautiful and he didn’t even like the other girl, I’ve known that he has a wife and let him ‘accidently” grab my ass or send an inappropriate text message. So not only have I participated in this acts knowing fully that my actions could potentially hurt some one else, I’ve cried the victim when similar events where inflicted upon me. I mean, haven’t we all at some point in time? Maybe some times unintentionally, but generally we know what our actions will produce even if we want to suppress the feelings of guilt for the momentary pleasure and attention we receive.

How ironic when you are the victim you wonder how any one could ever be so cruel, how they could hurt you so much, how could they knowingly hurt you, but when you are enabling the behavior it is harmless, it didn’t mean any thing and it wasn’t a big deal and you don’t understand how some one could get so upset over something so stupid as a seemingly harmless text message between friends, a flirty conversation, lunch date or a harmless kiss. As a generation we have the ability to justify are actions when it comes to pretty much any thing or maybe it's just the people I know.  But we know when our actions will have negative repercussions and hurt some one, we just don’t take the time to care about how they would feel, we put ourselves first. And is that wrong? To put ourselves first? To step over some ones feelings for the gain of our own? I guess it’s a matter of perception, making your actions justifiable. Shouldn’t women stick up for one another, isn’t that what Spice Girls taught us?  Is there some kind of scale that makes our actions of enabling okay? If this action makes me happy for an allotted period of time and only hurts this person for an allotted period of time is it justifiable? Is there an invisible line that makes it okay if your actions only inflict a small amount of pain on some one compared to the pain of breaking their heart? Or do we just act and not think of the consequences until later. What if this person has hurt you; does the saying two wrongs don’t make a right still stand true or do you get some kind of validation by hurting them? What if the validation that you sought after only hurts you more. What if you feel a sense of empowerment because of it? Is there ever a time that we can justify hurting some one else for our own personal happiness? Shouldn’t you put yourself first…If you don’t who else will? I guess that’s just part of dating; a part of life. I’m sure any successful person had to step on some toes to advance just as I am sure they were probably stepped on for other people to advance. So in the game of dating are there rules or is it true that all is fair and love and war? Rules make it sound like a game but dating is a game. But can there every really be a winner when it comes to dating? Dating is cruel and twisted game if you ask me. One that you have to play more calculated than chest and when you play it right you never even really win, you just advance to the game of love, which is far more twisted because you are dealing with far more complex feelings and the ability to hurt and get hurt are just amplified. So does any one ever really win when it comes to a game of hearts or are we all just losers eventually?

But we’ve all been there, felt victimized (not just by Regina George haha) and we’ve all been the offender. I will make the general statement that as a single women I’m finding that it is men acting in the wrong, women by far do the enabling, but it seems to me that men make that first step to cross lines. So is it wrong for women to take the stance of a man; to treat men how they’ve treated us? Does that put me into the category of a whore or a bitch? Probably, but it wouldn’t be the first time I get called a whore and it wont be the last. Women seem to get labeled endlessly for our actions where men would just be categorized as a man just being a man, but what if I just stopped caring? What if I just said fuck you all I really don’t care what you think.  Because I’ve reached that point. Maybe I’ve just seen to much, cried to many tears, listened as my friends cried, put effort into dating a man who will try to be different, only to end up the same.

The game of dating is complicated and I am not willing to get hurt any more at this point, I am not willing to listen to the bullshit lines that you spew at me in hopes that it will help you in your quest to get me into your bed, I am not willing to listen to the words you say in the morning, your apologies, your empty promises. Words hold little to no value because time and time again the only thing that remains constant in dating is empty words and heart break. So what if I stop caring how it will effect you and start caring more about how it will effect me? What if I spent less time thinking about you and more time thinking about me and not worry if I hurt you, because I bet I am not even a thought in your head, even when I can’t get you out of mine.