He Loves Me...He Loves Me Not...No He Loves Me. Great

I’ve been sick so for the last couple days all I’ve wanted to do is sleep. But I had an eventful weekend none the less. So I guess I better start spilling the dirty details.

Mchottie told me he loved me. Ya, so that’s nice. Drunk on Friday night he called me and I could tell he was plastered. That’s cute that he drunk dials me when I am a million miles away. But our conversation went like this:

MM- you’re crazy

Me – don’t call me crazy, I hate when you call me crazy

MM – ya but you are crazy… I love your crazy…I love you

Me- you’re drunk. Call me tomorrow when you sober up

MM – I do love you Justine. I think about you all the time and how perfect you are

Me – call me tomorrow Mchottie, you’re drunk, go get a cab and go home

MM – ok baby.

Great. So much for a feeling free weekend of fun. The words I love you change everything. The words I love you when the feelings are not reciprocated, even worse.

I feel like once those words are said every thing changes, it leaves you with the ability to get hurt or hurt some one else. I thought we were on the same page? That he was a lot older, we don’t have a lot in common and he hates my dog, but the sex is good and a weekend in Toronto should be fun. I mean, a relationship at this point just probably wouldn’t work, even if I was in Toronto, he said he hates my dog! I can't be with some one who hates my dog! I mean it might, but who knows, I am not there and he is. He has made it clear that he has zero intentions of moving out here and it would have to be me who moves and I don’t know how I feel about that. Maybe he just loves me because women his age aren’t able to have kids and I have birthing hips. Seriously, I was made to have children. He probably looks at me and goes, great, she can still have kids, sign me up for that one. That must be it.

Augh. To much pressure.

Most girls would be over the moon that they have a guy who is willing to fly them back and forth from Toronto, says I love you and worships the ground she walks on and has for years, and has a body that makes a person want to lick chocolate sauce of his abs. This absolutely terrifies me, except for the chocolate sauce part, that doesn't sound terrifying it sounds delicious. The rest though, it means commitment, commitment I am not ready for. Commitment to a guy who is a thousand millions away. No thank you. Pass. Check please. No speaky any English.

So I am going to do what any normal person would do, still go on my trip (I don’t want to be wasteful), see how the weekend goes and maybe let him down easy. I am a horrible person. But he changed the rules. He went from easy going and fun to serious in 2.2 seconds.  Maybe the signs were there and I just didn’t see them because I was to busy deciphering signals from other men. Oh boy…that sounded horrible didn’t it? What ever, don’t judge me. maybe I will fall madly in love with him when I am there...doubtful but maybe. I guess we'll see.