So I have a job interview today, no, I am not becoming a
contributing member to society, it’s still an office job, a shitty office job
of that I have no doubt, but it’s a higher paying office job, so I’d get paid more
to multitask between my shitty office job, day dreaming and writing this blog.
It’s almost like I am a paid writer, except my boss doesn’t know he is paying
me write blogs some times...my mother would kill me if she read this blog,
thank God she hates everything but coupons and is unsupportive.
But there is a bigger issue at hand...I just had an epiphany,
I will never be a normal, functioning, human being, because I don’t know how to
make normal people decisions. This was my thought process this morning when I
was getting ready for work:
I can’t wear a skirt to work, boss man will know I have an
interview or something, I barely brush my teeth for work let alone show up in
anything remotely business professional. Okay, plan, I will wear jeans with a
dress top and put on a skirt on my way to said interview. HA! Good problem
solving self! I really did feel a little proud of myself for coming up with a
solution to said problem.
Thought process while driving to work... oh Jesus I forgot
to put on underwear this morning! I am in my car already, my underwear is all
the way downstairs...maybe I have some in my purse, I usually have underwear in
my purse...fuck no underwear in my purse today...damn...I can’t show up to a
job interview in a skirt with my sneaper hanging out...well maybe that will
help me get the job. No Justine...go get underwear.
I run down stairs and my mom yells at me “what the hell you
are going to be late for work, why are you back here?”
I don’t say anything, I am obviously busy, back off. I run
up stairs underwear in hand
Is that underwear in your hand? Where did I go wrong with
you? Your sisters are normal, what is wrong with you.
HA! Mom if you only knew that I seriously debated just not
wearing underwear and came all the way back here for it you would actually be
proud of me! So mission accomplished, I
have underwear for my skirt. Then I thought about this...I have underwear
sitting in my the center console of my car. I plan on changing on my way to
said interview, cruise control will obviously help me in this situation.
Normal people, with contributing jobs, don’t have underwear
in their center console of their car and not realize anything wrong with this
until 8 hours later. Normal people would have remembered to put on underwear
this morning. I did not.
Also secretly when they ask me what my strengths are,
because they always, always do in an interview, it is going to take everything
in me not to say, problem solving, and multitasking, and when they ask for
examples I will refrain myself further from saying “Well sir, I forgot to put
on underwear this morning and had a skirt on, so I solved that problem while
sitting at a red light and I was able to drive and put said underwear on at the
same time. If that isn’t multitasking I really don’t know what is.
I feel like that would be an excellent answer, one time in a
job interview I told the interviewer that I had experience dealing with
difficult people because my mother was going through menopause while three
girls lived in the same house and if you can defuse a fight over the bathroom between a women going through hot flashes and a girl getting ready for a date, you could pretty much defuse any situation. I got that job. No word of a lie.
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