When Kermit and I broke up I moved back into my parents
house, I hadn’t lived at home in three years and was really not looking forward
to going back, especially because much like Harry Potter I was shoved into a
closet under the stairs while Dudley, aka my brother who shits gold and
awesome, has not one, but two bed rooms. Yes folks, no word of a lie, the kid
has two bedrooms. A 15 year old boy...two bed bedrooms...
So broken hearted me moved into the basement with all my
stuff and I tried to unpack all my stuff. Now I like to shop, I have to, I
change outfits twice a day, which is much better than the 5 times a day when I
was in college, so I have a lot of clothes, I have a lot of shoes, I have a lot
of stuff. I tried my hardest to organize and pack away my stuff but really when
you shove me in a room with a half a closet a girl can only do so much. Dudley
the golden wonder on the other hand wears basically the same 3 shirts and
2 pairs of pants, he’s a guy, that shit doesn’t matter to him.
So about a month into me living at home this kid decided he
wants to move into the basement, so Coupon Queen cleans out her sewing room and
moves the little gaffer into the biggest bedroom with the walk in closet, and
leaves me in the closet under the stairs.
I am okay with this, why because he will live there longer,
I had that room, I am a fucking mature grown up and I’m dealing with my little
living situation, until, last night.
The Coupon Queen has been on a hating Justine’s whole life
mission every since she got back from holidays, I don’t know maybe she is mad
because I let Dudley have one whole freaking beer. Regardless, her mission in
life the last week has been to suck the soul of my me. She comes marching down
the stairs screaming my name and on a crazy rant about needing organization in
her life.
“we need to do something about your clothes! I can’t live
like this”
“uhh I don’t know what you want me to do, I’ve thrown out
half (YES HALF!!) of my closet already, I am not throwing out more”
“WELL WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING! With you back in school you
will be here for the next four years!”
“umm Mom, that would make me 28 by the time I move out, and
that is not happening, trust me. Regardless, you gave me half a closet and I
have the most clothes, your son has a walk in closet and could shit his pants
and not feel the need to change his underwear. And now has three rooms in this
5 bedroom house, so really what would you like me to do!”
“we will get you something to hang your clothes on and put
it in the freezer room.”
THANK ALLAH! I get to put my clothes next to her stock pile
of toilet paper! I should be so lucky.
I realize how ungrateful and spoiled I sound...but really...half
a closet...most amount of clothes in the house, kid who barely changes
clothes...ever...biggest closet. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE TO ANY ONE!
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