The friend zone

I’m so glad we are friends, you are such a great guy, you are going to make some girl super happy some day, I’m here for you as a friend, I’d really like to take some time and focus on myself and be single for a while; all sentences that you my dear male friend, have entered into the friend ship zone. Don’t...just don’t even think that you still have a chance to get out of the friendship zone once any of those words have been uttered, because that means that there isn’t a chance, zip, zero, zilch, nada, none.

As women we don’t like to reject men, no well, that’s not true, we have no problem rejecting the creepy guy at the bar, but men that have made an effort to be part of our lives, men that make us feel good, we don’t want to get rid of you, woman hold onto broken things, things that won’t work,  we have a hard time throwing things out, why else do you think I have clothes that I haven’t worn in years  that I just can’t bring myself to throw away...because eventually I may need them. Will I ever wear those shoes with the broken strap? Will I ever wear that shirt that was too small 4 years ago? Probably not, but I like to have the option that I could wear them. Same goes with men. We like to have options, to ease the blow of being rejected from other men, to comfort us on lonely nights, and give us an ego boost on our fat days. We keep you around, as a friend.  

When I was doing extensive research for this, men seem to offer advice on why and how you got to this point, that advice? You are in the friend zone because you didn’t try to be anywhere else, this advice is bullshit. You aren’t there because this girl had no idea you had feelings for her, she knows, that’s why she has said “I am so glad we can be friends,” she is looking for a way to make sure you know you are in the friend zone but she wants to keep you around. Trust me, have I ever said to Melvin “I am so glad we are friends!” No. Never, because I don’t want to be his friend, so I am not going to outline that we are. Have I said to Kermit (post breakup) that I am glad we are friends, yes, because I don’t want to date him but I like him as a friend. So men you don’t need to grab a set of balls and ask her out on a date, you don’t need to try to kiss her, it’s too late, she has made her mind up that she is just your friend and you will never get to her Treasure Island.

Men also have the idea it’s because women are just attracted to assholes and you are the nice guy. Listen, of course you are nice, you want to get to her Treasure Island, you are going to bring her lunch, listen to her problems, pick her up from the bar after a few too many drinks, you are going to do whatever you can to help you get there, and once she picks some asshole (not you) you will blame women everywhere for liking assholes. Women don’t actively seek assholes; we don’t subconsciously like the arrogant pig that is going to make us cry, men just do stupid shit sometimes and guess what you are the person she turns to when that guy does stupid shit because you are her friend, so of course you hear about all the asshole things he does, he is a man, you all do asshole things and we are women, we are a little sensitive so we vent and we cry and we blow things out of proportion. It has nothing to do with you being a nice guy, that’s probably one of the only reasons you are still around, but a long time ago she put you in her not datable list, maybe she doesn’t like your arm pit hair, maybe she doesn’t like your sense of humour, maybe she thinks you would be a project, for whatever reason, you aren’t datable to her. You can’t change how she feels which is unfortunate because I tried dating the guy I put in the friend zone once, he did what those other guys writing dating advice columns told him to do, he made a move and it worked but not because I had feelings for him, but because I felt bad...like I didn’t want to hurt him because he was my friend, but in the end I couldn’t change that I just wasn’t into him and we broke up, and weren’t friends any more. Did he find someone who loved him, who appreciated more than I ever could all the sweet and nice things he does? Of course, he was a great guy, that’s why I wanted him as a friend, but was that person me? No, it wasn’t and he, in all honesty, wasted six months trying to date me when I was just never that into it.

There is no better way to say it than...unreciprocated feelings suck, even worse when the friendship is a stake, you can either suck it up and just be her friend and watch and she dates other guys, or you can end the friendship and move on to another girl. But you will always just be her friend

 But am I some kind of dating expert, no? I didn’t even finish my last college course, I am an idiot when it comes to my own love life, but I can say without question, that there have been guys that I have strung along and said that I just wanted to be friends because I enjoyed their company on lonely nights. So my advice to the guys who are currently in love with a girl who is “so happy the two of you are such good friends,” either move on or be okay with just being friends but you can’t expect her to change how she feels just because you want her to.