I could tell you about Melvin...or I could tell you about my new pretend boyfriend

I could tell you how last week I hung out with Melvin and I went all swoony again and how all week he’s been all sweet which made me swoon even more and caused me to dance around in glee all week. Then I could tell you how last night some whore faced, mini skirt wearing on a Wednesday wing night, skanky mcskankerson was flirting with him (and he flirted back) and when I was leaving she was all like “baby come back inside” even though he had just asked me to stay and so I just looked at him, made sure that I gave my best “are you fucking joking me face” and said “you better go back inside...baby” and walked away because I’ll be damned if I am going inside now that some twat face just said that to you. So I walked away...crying ...and smoking...because those two things go hand in hand...than proceeded to deleted his number yet again...and by three o’clock today I was kicking myself for having a moment of sanity and deleting his number. But really, if I think about it anymore I’ll get all crazy ghetto on him and that would just end in me in some form of straight jacket. And for all that is good in the world please let me never see skanky mcskankerson again because even before she did that I wanted to go over to her and comment on just how horrible she dressed herself. Seriously, do people not look in the mirror before they leave their house to go out into public. She looked like a low grade stripper for the Special Olympics.

 So, now that I totally haven’t said anything about Melvin,  I’m going to tell you about how I was totally just cocked block at work.

There are few to no perks at my job, really, I am underpaid, put up with bullshit, pmsing boy drama all day and I am forced to listen to Taylor Swift a million times a day, seriously, I can sing you every word to that 22 song...and this is coming from a girl who spent a solid month listening to nothing but sad Taylor Swift songs. I can’t handle another Taylor Swift song, ever.  But about 3 months ago I found a silver lining. That silver lining you ask? Hottie Mchotterson with the prettiest eyes that comes in occasionally to pick up parts for the company he works for. For 3 months I have swooned over this man’s beautiful smile and perfect white teeth and his brown eyes and his perfectly sculpted ass and biceps. Really, you need to check out this man’s tush and than holla at me so we can talk about how good it is.  He is beautiful. I don’t see a ring and it makes me working here almost bearable.  So I say to one of the boys in the back who always deals with him to casually bring up my charming personality and big boobs...not a hard task? No, it is not. You talk me up, mention I am single and pass him my business card (ya, I have business cards, I am a big deal around here) and then we fall in love and get married and live happily ever after. That simple. Does that stupid ass muncher do that? No. He talks about the part, the hockey game from the other night and lets the guy leave! He didn’t even get any information about his personal life, like where I could casually run into him, how am I suppose to live happily ever after now?! I won’t. And I completely blame the guy I work with for being a horrible wing man.