Ye of Little Faith

I am a middle child (if you couldn't already tell) and my older sisters both have good jobs, one has a kid, the other is married to a perfect husband and then there is my younger brother. He is super smart, super crafty, 14 and has not puked on our mom from drinking, so by all counts, is shaping up to be a better child than I am. I don’t know what it is about the youngest child in families but they are generally the golden child. Than there is me…*pause for slow clap*. Well I was board at work and was texting my mom. She just stopped texting me, she didn’t find my jokes funny and probably got board and went to hang out with her cooler younger son. So I played a trick on her, which in hind sight, was probably not the best trick to play. It went like this

Justine- “mom…why you no texty me back”

*she says nothing*

Justine- “mom…I need to tell you some thing…I am pregnant”

Well… she still didn’t text me back so I went home and had a nap than made supper for the boyfriend and my friend Jade and her boyfriend. Some where in the time frame my phone died and I started drinking wine. Bad combination. I stumbled to bed around midnight and plugged the phone in and passed out. I woke up for work in the morning and being slightly hung over sat in bed checking my phone. TEN text messages, you would have thought that I was Michael Jackson and I came back from the dead by the urgency in these text messages from my mother. They went like this:

“Justine…you better be kidding”

“Are you sure?”

“Justine, I am crying please tell me this is a joke”

“Call me as soon as you get this, we will figure out a solution.”

OK…I know that I am a little lost, still trying to find my way, but I am 23, most of my friends are pregnant and their mothers didn’t sit and cry at the kitchen table!  My mother, ye of little faith. I am not saying me having a kid is a good idea, but I don’t think it warrants 6 hours of crying at the kitchen table. Plus I am not to keen on having kids after reading all the gross stuff that happens and I am not talking the stuff the tell you in health class, I am talking the stuff on mommy blogs. If you wanted kids not to get pregnant make them read those blogs. So I had to deal with the situation at hand, so I texted my mother.

“mom I have an entire army in my cervix, I can not get pregnant. It’s ok.”

Well not even ten minutes later I get a call from my dad, at 8:30 in the morning. Let me first say, my father hardly ever calls me, my father NEVER calls me at 8:30 in the morning. I answer.

Dad- “justine…”

Me- “hi dad. I am not pregnant don’t worry”

Dad- “hahahha…I mean that’s not funny, your mom is really upset”

Than I rant that I am sure I could do the mother thing and that it doesn’t look that hard. I finish by saying I am sorry and I won’t do it again. Being a Friday at work I am doing absolutely nothing, so I decided to make my mom a card because that is what a contributing member of society would do if they messed up. I feel like that was a step in the wrong direction and vow to never tell some one I am knocked up when I am not.