I thought I should maybe give you a background into me, before I start unloading pages upon pages of my life. I am completely average on every level. You know that movie Easy A (if you don’t stop what you are doing, crawl out of your rock, and go watch it), Emma Stone plays a girl that know one really pays attention to but than she fakes having sex and all of a sudden everyone knows who she is. I am like that girl, except I don’t have red hair, I’ve never lied about having sex, and I just stayed average, except at drinking. Which some may think is a bad thing, but really, I excel at drinking. I would put it on my resume, but sadly, employers don’t find that a hirable quality.
Anyways, I am average, one time when I was ten I went to a camp with my best friend and they handed out awards at the end and some people got awards for crazy hair day, craft day or horse back riding skills (bet the girl who won that award now has 5 kids or Chlamydia if you know what I mean)…I got an award for being average. Being ten, that has a really big impact on your life and I still blame those two camp councilors for labeling me average and that, my friends, is why I've never went on to be some thing really cool like a resort waterslide tester (YES THAT’S A REAL JOB I GOOGLED IT!) and am stuck at a shitty office job with a boss that some times smells bad.
Also, I have an addictive personality, but not in the way that I am so awesome people are addicted to me, in a way that if I find some thing I like I can’t physically stop talking about, doing it or reading about it. Like weddings. I absolutely love weddings. Seriously, I reached a whole new level of obsessed when it came to weddings. I would actually call places up and be like “hi my wedding is August 2013 and I am wondering if you could send me packages with your pricing information.” Yes. I know. That is a new level of crazy, and let me tell you, that is probably why my boyfriend (o yes I have one of those) will NEVER NEVER NEVER ask me to marry him.
I do have a boyfriend, I don’t know how, but I do. And he is hot. Girls tell me that, and he isn’t imaginary, like my wedding. One time I got high fived because he is so good looking and she was impressed I actually "landed" him, although I am not sure how I feel about that because that just verifies how exceptionally average I am. But besides being hot, he also has really good ninja skills. So he is pretty much the full package.
I also have friends, but most of them have their lives way more together than I do, but I will say, that they are just as messed up as I am. But, for the most part they have all recently embarked on this new thing called life accomplishments such as graduating university, having babies, getting married, or for some, all of the above. And I must say, I am happy that I have one friend, who is just as lost as I am, and we rock at it. So take that life accomplishments.
Also, I have a family. I blame them for most of my bad qualities, because most days, I am sure my mother wonders how I beat all the other sperm to her egg. I love my family, growing up my friend used to call us the Canadian Osbornes. That is the best way to describe my family. Oh! And my mother coupons, so that allows me to say “MY MOMMA IS A COUPON QUEEN” in the same voice as honey boo boo child.
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