Part one is here part two is here
Part 3 – The Melvinator (kind of sounds like a bad ass super
villain that destroys the hearts of girls everywhere, well really just mine,
because normal people would not be attracted to this hot mess of a man)
It started Saturday, when I invited him out...again...and he
declined...again, well first he said maybe, and then he said no, so it was
really just more disappointing. Whatever, I am used to it at this point; I
carry on and have an awesome Saturday night. But when I don’t hear from him
Sunday, I feel a little sad, when I don’t hear from him by Tuesday, I am really
sad, by Wednesday I am in breakdown mode, by Thursday I’ve concluded that I
will be single forever, why? Because if I remotely have feelings for another
male I act a damn fool and scare them away.
What is my solution, I text him, because he totally wants to
hear from me right? No he doesn’t, but I do it anyways. I ask him if he wants
to hang out Friday night, nope he doesn’t (we really aren’t that shocked are
we?), he might possibly have plans, might possibly have plans, the possibility
of plans is more attractive than making definite plans with me, or even coordinate
another time to hang out, because throwing me a god damn bone (figuratively
speaking you perv) would just be too much to ask for at this point. Nah, he leaves it at that, and so do I. I can’t
physically put myself out there anymore, I am standing so far out there by
myself yet again it’s almost shocking that I can be in this same situation. But
I can be.
You know that game Waka-mole? Melvin is the person playing
the game and I am the little mole that pops out of the whole, but he’s really
good at the game so he knocks me back into the whole multiple times and I just
keep popping back up. Really, he is taking home the big teddy bear. That is my
life analogy, Waka-mole. Let that just sink in for a minute...
Yep...
Sinking in?
Goooooooooooodddd....
So there’s that. This happened right before I was leaving
work, so I just got rid of the Aussie who cushions my blows from Melvin, I am
stressed over the toothless wonder, who has made it his own personal mission to
treat me like shit and has now involved my boss instead of talking to me like
an adult, and Melvin has made it clear that he doesn’t want to talk to me...
And because I have the best skin on the plant I have now
fully broken out in a stress rash, and because I was dropped on my head as a
child I thought that lotion would make it better, but I am allergic to some
lotions, so without thinking I put lotion that I am allergic to all over my god
forsaken body. GO LIFE!
I get into my car, I pull away from work and I commence into
full mental breakdown mode, but I have Jenna’s baby shower on Sunday so I have to go to the mall so I can get stuff
to make a cup cake stand for the 30 cup
cakes and 30 cake pops Dana and I have made, so I am sitting in the parking lot
at the mall crying and itching myself because of my stress rash and rash from
being allergic to lotions, I look like a crack head. Maybe not a, I ask for
change on a street corner crack head, but a upper middle class, white girl,
crack head, think Lindsay Lohan, but in a Grand Am not a Escalade or Mercedes,
and not as skinny. Why life? Why did I have to be a female, why do females have
to have so many fucking feelings, why, why why. Why couldn’t I have been a
male, why do I have the stupid ability to care the most for people who don’t
care about me, it’s a lovely personality quality.
I get the cup cake stand and I drive to Kermit’s house, well
our old house. Judge away my friends, I
walk in and he has wine sitting there for me, well a whole bottle of wine. So I
drink and he talks and tells me it will be okay and he makes me feel better,
which only throws me more into a downward spiral because how can the man I
spent months crying over seem to be the only person who makes me feel better? I
guess I’m happy that we can still be friends, that instead of rolling his eyes
at my stupidity he listens and comforts me, he seems to get my crazy, and I’m
glad that after all the bullshit we went through to this point we are still
friends, then there was the silver lining, some glimmer of hope in my tragic white
girl problems, he has started internet dating, he has been talking to a girl
for a week! You guys must be confused because this is my silver lining, but I truly
just want him to happy, I want him to find someone who makes him happy, but if
she happens to be ugly than bless her heart. And she was. Well, she wasn’t
horrible, but I was writing home about her either. Go ahead; tell me I am a bad
person, tell me that I am going to the deepest part of hell for finding
happiness in the fact that my ex’s new love interest is not as pretty as I am,
go ahead tell me I am shallow and for saying that I will never find love again.
I don’t care, it made me happy, and I feel a small sense of victory here. So I
left his house and I feel better, I have a grip on my emotions, and maybe
realize this is why I was medicated for so long.
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