The week that lead to me sitting in a parking lot looking like a crack head...part one

I’ve been on a terror this week, not a drinking terror, I wouldn’t complain about that, I am on a “I hate the whole world, die die die” terror. Seriously, my emotions are running ramped this week, I’ve never been so bitchy for so long ever. My ability to hold in sarcastic, mean comments is nonexistent this week, so what does that mean for you? You get to sit tight and listen to my three part story, I am going to break it down by douche bag, I mean man for you and how it all lead to the full mental break down that commenced last night.

Part one – The toothless wonder

If you’ve ever worked with women you know that it sucks, I’ve spent a lot of time working with all women.  At 16 I worked at Aldo, with 12 other girl, at 18 I work at a tanning salon with 16 other girls, I’ve worked in offices with old bitchy secretaries, I’ve worked with young dumb girls, and there is only one thing I can conclude from spending so many years working with women, the only thing worse than working with women is working with males.

You women are probably sitting there going “uh Justine you are an idiot, clearly you have no idea what you are talking about...in any aspect of life.” But I do, at least in this area; clearly I am an idiot when it comes to dating or men still, but work environment in the men vs. women section I know what I am talking about. Men trick you, you think that women are back stabbing and manipulative, she is nothing compared to a man, at least with women you can turn around and be back stabbing and manipulative back, or get drunk and have a heart to heart and be friends, men though...they make your life hell, to your face, and in a way that you can’t even retaliate.

Which brings me to the pot smoking, coke snorting, toothless, 50 year old dead beat that works with me; he is a glorious specimen of trailer trash who has made it his mission to make my life a living hell. It all started last week, when boss man made me go pick him up for work because he was hung over and didn’t show up for work for the fifth time in two weeks, wait I’m sorry, he had food poisoning, my bad, he got it from all the beer he consumed the night before. Nowhere in my job description does it say

-          Pick up drunk loser so he comes to work

-          Make sure drunk loser gets to work

-          Deal with hung over asshole at work

But I did it, because if I don’t do what my boss tells me too he makes sure my life is an even bigger hell.  The toothless wonder was pissed that I showed up at his door step, at 8 in the morning asking why he wasn’t at work and this started the fight between me and the toothless wonder.

It started when he showed up for work on Monday; now generally I do whatever the shop guys ask and it always goes without a thank you, this includes but is not limited to, getting their lunch, ordering high school transcripts, driving them around, picking them up so they can make it to work, answer all their questions (generally after work hours on my time), book their dentist and doctors appointments, basically everything but suck their dicks and wipe their asses. This week though, my level of bitch outweighed my desire to be nice, I came to work, I did my job, and I did not go over and above my job description for these men. So Monday afternoon I was out having my smoke, my one saving grace in the afternoon, the one thing that stops me from murdering most of my co-workers, and the one thing that keeps me sane. I was sitting in a chair smoking, in a room with only one other person, leaving a total of 15, (FIFTEEN, yep that’s a one and then a five) other chairs to sit at, the toothless wonder came in and put his drink, smoke and lighter in front of where I was sitting,

“You’re in my spot”

Are you 10? Really, is there assigned seating and I missed the fucking memo? Did something happen over the weekend that you started signing my paycheques so you think I will do what you tell me to do?

I hold in my anger and nicely say, “Would you like me to move?”

That took a lot for me; I was being nice, when everything in my wanted to punch him in the face and knock out the two fucking teeth he has left.

“Ya, cause I don’t work all day or anything and sorry what do you do?”

I ignore the fact that he just cut me down and said I don’t do anything all day at work, I don’t do the jobs of 5 people every single day plus do all YOUR fucking running around. I don’t make sure you show up to work, I don’t do anything all day but sit around and eat bon bon’s. You are absolutely right. I put out my smoke and remind myself that orange is not a good color on me and I can’t go to jail.

I come to work Tuesday, I am now even more enraged, even bitchier, I don’t know why, I just am, and I can’t even fully blame toothless wonder at this point. I took my lunch later than usual so I thought I could avoid the toothless wonder in the smoke room. I walk into the smoke room, there are now two other people in the room so that means there are still 14 chairs. He walks in, now if I was in a good mood I would have moved, I would have not made it a point to sit in *his*chair on the off chance he came into the room, but I am on a war path and I fight like a women. He again puts all his shit in front of me and goes you are in my spot.

Well thank you captain obvious, your observation has not gone unnoticed, you advance to the next level of retardation! I can’t contain myself; it just came out of my mouth,

“Are you that stupid that you do not see the one, two, three...(I count to fourteen, although I think I lost him at 10) other chairs that you can sit in, is it really that hard to take another two steps to a different chair?”

He sits in another chair, good toothy; you sit there and think about how stupid you are.

Obviously every one can tell I am grumpy at this point, so what happened next was out of my control, Toothy’s best friend says to me “you’re bitchy this week,” yes you dense brown man I am, looks like you are still stupid this week. Then his bff of life goes  “Hey Justine, if you go anywhere this afternoon can you take my car?” A car that doesn’t have registration, a car that is held together with duct tape, a car that is basically a death wish waiting to happen, sure, why not! I ask why, which was a mistake. “I have my friend’s dog in the car and so it would be nice if you could take her for a walk.” I hate other people’s dogs, unless they are a puppy, but other people’s dogs are not my cup of tea, a pit pull, so not my cup of tea, so the following conversation happened:

 “Do I look like a dog walker to you? No, deal with the dog yourself”

“Ya but the dog might get thirsty.”

“You didn’t leave the dog water?”

“What was I suppose to do, I didn’t want to leave it at home!”

“So you took it from your apartment, to a small, hot vehicle, with no water, or food. You are an idiot, please for the love of God never reproduce.”

I left work that day, dreading the next day. My ability to deal with stupid people has dwindled down to shocking new level of low. But I did come into work the next day, and it went like this...

The toothless wonder brought me a packing slip, at 8:07, in the morning, no one is happy at 8:07 in the morning; I can guarantee you when Noah constructed the ark he was not happy at 8:07 in the morning, the only time you are happy at 8:07 is Christmas morning and that’s because there is the promise of presents and food, if he would have brought me a present and food I would have been happy, as it turns out it was just a packing slip. He brings me the packing slip I go “thanks” an appropriate response for 8:07 in the fucking morning. He goes...”you could be a little happy, bitch.” Excuse me? Don’t make me get all ghetto on you because I will, I will show you a whole new side of me that I like to call Sheniqua and let me tell you, she is less than lady like and she will get up and kick your white trailer park trash ass. Would you like a hero cookie and a round of applause for doing your job? I don’t get one for mine so shove it. The rest of the day went like that between us, I won’t get into more details, you get at this point that toothy is a giant dick head, so at 4:30 when I went to leave this hell whole I was stopped by another worker and he let me in on a little bit of information...the toothless wonder went and complained to boss man about my poor attitude. My poor attitude? Right, let me just be overjoyed to deal with you every single day of my life for the last year and a half, Monday through to Friday. Let me just be so fucking happy that I get to look at your gummy smile and bad personal hygiene, let me be ecstatic that I get to smell the remains of your beers from last night because you don’t know how to shower, let me be excited to hear how some hottie from the restaurant across the street totally ask you out on a date, even though she is 18 looks like Megan Fox and has huge fake tits, of courses she wants to go out on a date with you, how could she not? You are just so fucking charming. So boss man now thinks I am a giant bitch and is treating me as such, why you ask? Because boss man loves toothy like he is the king of the trailer park, and boss man already hates me. Do you think boss man would ask me why I am a bitch to toothy? Of course not, he is just going to continue to be a dick to me until I snap and he has a reason to let me go.

I walked out of work and lost it, but not in a Sheniqua way, in a Justine is on the brink of a mental down way... so that is aspect numeral uno of the full fledge break down that commenced last night.