My Halloween Rant! It's Expensive...

So it’s Halloween this week. Yes, Halloween is a week long, starting a week before October 31. I decided this because then, at least for a week, I don’t feel bad about eating chocolate. This isn’t a normal rant saying that it’s Halloween so I can dress like a skank if I want to or the opposite saying that you hate Halloween because girls dress like skanks.

Here is my rant. Dressing up for Halloween is fucking expensive. Especially for how little clothes I will be putting on and its stressful. I swear unless you are a size two and can just throw on a bra and some undies and maybe some wings and go as a Victoria Secret model Halloween is hard. I really wanted to go as a child from Toddlers and Tiaras becuase that show kicks ass and I think its hilarious but no one was digging my idea and I love group costumes so I went with the idea of burlesque dancers because it was as close to a child floozy as I was going to get this year and I thought it would be easy. Wrong. Very very wrong.

So I had to youtube how to make this stupid fucking costume and after 40 minutes of research I decided to just purchase a corset from some where but they are like 50 dollars at Le Skank and I am cheap and not forking that over for a corset because the boyfriend just gets confused by them and grunts like a cave man trying to figure out how to make a fire for the first time. So my search continued online. Most people LOVE online shopping personally I hate it. I am a firm believe of trying clothes on plus the clothes always look better on the silicone women. Dam you and your money to get fake tits. So I find one online and spend the next two weeks panicked because I am terrified it won’t get here in time.

I finally get this costume last Friday and the sent me the wrong one and it is snug and I can’t breath in it and I am very found of breathing and the skirt oh God, don’t get me started on the skirt of this outfit because it JUST covers my ass which means it isn’t cover my cellulite.

So now I have to come up with a solution to all of these problems, which cost money. Money that I could be spending on some thing else,  like my new master plan to move to Thailand or Mexico!

Regardless I need to fix it so I head to Michaels, which has the most over priced shit! It is just like the dollar store but way more expensive. The other problem with Michaels is I like shiny things and Michaels stocks their shelves with rows upon rows of shiny things. I buy these said shiny things when I clearly do not need them and again could be putting that money to my Thailand/Mexico fund. So I spend 30 dollars at Michaels on

·         Glitter beads

·         Glitter ribbon

·         Diamond sparkle ribbon

30 fucking dollars on glitter things, just shoot me now. I spent 30 dollar on shiny ribbon. You don’t even need to tell me how stupid that is because I no. Oh and I still don’t have a solution to my skirt problem.

I take my skirt to my mom who is convinced she has raised a whore of a daughter because I told her to make it bigger but not to much longer (it is Halloween) and she tells me that my 15 year old brother put it on and it doesn’t cover his ass and she isn’t letting me any where with my sneaper (my moms word for vagina) hanging out. So skirt problem some what solved, I will find out tonight. I may go over to her house to find that she has made me a ghost costume.

Now on to my accessories because I need to get stuff so people don’t look at the cellulite and they look at my boobs or pretty make up instead. So this is what I purchased.

·         Three different sets of fake eye lashes ( again they had glitter on them and I am like a fucking bird)

·         Thigh high stockings which looked terrible

·         Another set of thigh stockings which looked just as terrible

·         A huge bottle of glitter (I told you.)

·         Head bands

·         Feathers

I have now spent a total of 60 dollars on shit. And if this skirt doesn’t turn out right by tonight I am going to have to make a mad dash around to all the dollar stores collecting feather boas to make a skirt I saw on youtube.

It’s a lot of fucking work for one costume. Not to mention the 80 dollars for a ticket to a party, the 60 I will spend on hotels and the 40 dollars in booze and cabs.

Next year I dumping glitter over my body (I’ll put underwear on don’t worry) sitting my ass on the couch and getting my drunk on because that is way cheaper and will probably be as much fun. 

p.s I will keep you all updated on how the skirt turns out because I know you are all dying to know what happens