You know one of the perks to being single? I get to listen
to all you people in relationships, bitch about your relationships. You know
another perk to being single? I get to hear all my single friends tell me how
they bang not so single people. You know another perk to being single? I get to
sit here and judge all you people in your relationships. I get to grab my
popcorn and listen to the horrible divorce stories, cheating stories, my
girlfriend did this stories, my boyfriend said that stories and why yes, they
are sad, I get to pass a small amount of judgement, because you are judging my relationship with Netflix's and cheese.
Those don’t sound like perks really, but trust me they are,
for the simple reason, I don’t have a person to complain about, to consume my
life, to plan my life around, I have me, and the stories I hear make me scream
out “praise Jesus” and stay single forever. I can tell you that at least once a
week I have a friend who is going through some kind of relationship turmoil,
some kind of nervous breakdown, crying mess, chocolate eating catastrophe in
their relationship. I know that relationships have their ups and their downs,
and there will be problems and sometimes people need to vent, I've been there, but as I sit
there and listen to their problems like a good friend I can’t help but
think...really? Is this what I am missing out on?
I watch as their girlfriends post pictures of
how in love they are, while he asks me if there will be single, hot girls at
the party. My friend spent her Saturday night at a party in a screaming match
with her boyfriend, I spent my Saturday night watching Netflix’s and eating
cheese. You tell me who had the better Saturday night. Rhetorical question, I did. Sure I went to
bed alone and woke up alone, but I didn’t go to bed with puffy eyes from
crying. See, I’d be fully open to a new relationship if I didn’t have to spend
so much time hearing about how horrible yours is. You know what happens when
the guy I’ve gone on three dates with pisses me off? I get to say see you later
and it’s easy because I’m not invested.
I had a friend say to me, I know you hate on-line dating,
but you should try it again, they’re lots of guys on there who are nice, with
good jobs. First off she is wrong, I was on a dating site and between the slew
of “hey baby” and “youz sexy” messages, I found very few men on there who
seemed normal, not that I am the poster child for normal but I am way more
normal than sexyman420. But I had to plan my response carefully, because when you
are the only single girl in your group of friends people tend to feel sorry for
you, like you must be lonely, or depressed because your Saturdays are spent at
home in sweats with your dogs. So I chose my words carefully when I responded...”there
is not a burning hope in hell that I am getting back onto a dating website
unless it’s for sheer entertainment, which to be honest has crossed my mind a
couple of times.
Yes, sometimes being single is lonely, yes, sometimes I just
want someone to ask how my day was without the hidden agenda of wanting me to
come over to watch a movie later (if you know what I mean), but you know what,
for right now, I get to enjoy focusing on me, spending time on me and not
obsessing over a mellow dramatic ass munch, or a self righteous prick who
couldn’t appreciate what he had. I get to do me and listen to your stories.
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